An Amazing Fall Retreat!

This past weekend was our second New Orleans/Southern Louisiana Fall Retreat. It was probably the most amazing fall retreats I've ever been a part of! On Saturday morning we had this wonderful guided prayer time put together by one of our staff. Students went to different stations all over the camp to spend time with the Lord. I decided to go out and sit at the picnic tables in the middle of the camp. Here's what I wrote in my journal....


I'm sitting here at the camp on this perfect fall day looking out at the students - watching the two Matt's as they sit on the hill under the shadow of the cross. I have no idea what they are discussing as they sit there but it's such a picture of redemption....one man brand new on his journey with Christ - one man barely a few steps down the road. They sit there together and I think, this is the perfect picture of this life that they have now entered. The cross - it stands behind them - beside it they look small. It's shadow falls on the hill in front of them. I pray that they will be men who always live in the shadow of the cross - knowing that it's always about a relationship given through sacrifice. I pray that the cross will never become small or marginalized, or even just a symbol in their lives.....that they will know every day how desperately they need that cross - that life will be about the one who gave Himself for them. I also love that they sit in the shadow of the cross together. Our journey is not alone - we walk the road together. I hope that they will be men who will walk this road together for the rest of their lives....that their relationships will be significant.....that they will see that this journey is lived in community.

I think that for the first time this weekend, I started to grasp a little of the passion that Paul had when he would pray for his churches - for the people who were left behind to minister. I want so much for these students - I want them to not settle for "normal Christianity". I want them to live the adventure - to courageously embark on the journey. I don't want them to settle for a life that is small or normal - but to beg God to give them everything he has for them - to live lives that are extraordinary because they live lives in the shadow of the cross. I want them to be the men and women who don't compromise - who take God at His Word - who believe His goodness and who live radical lives. I want that so much that my heart aches for them. I believe that they were created for so much - I read the book of Acts - how ordinary men and women lived lives that were eternally significant.....how they changed the world. I really believe that this group of students can be the ones to change their world.

I know that they are all home now - some cramming for tests that they have this week, some hanging out with friends, some going to organization meetings and some collapsing from exhaustion. Life is pulling them back in....but hopefully they are not the same - hopefully they have walked a little further down the path and gotten a better taste of the life that they were meant to live. Hopefully they understand more that their story is God's story and there's a great story still to be written through them.

Last Letters

Today as I was driving home from the gym (or the hour of torture as I like to call it) I flipped to a country station on the radio. Now, being from East Tennessee you have to at least have some tolerance for country and I'll admit - there are even a few artists that I enjoy. Okay, they're cheesy but there are some country songs that really get to me. One is a song by Tim McGraw called "If Your Reading This" which he wrote as a tribute to American soldiers who have lost their lives fighting for our country. The song is about a letter that each soldier writes but hopes is never read - the letter that's given to loved ones when the soldier doesn't come home. My brother wrote letters like that the week before he left for Iraq. I'm so glad that we never read those letters but I teared up as I drove home thinking of all the wives, children, fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters and friends who have read those letters over the year. What would you say in your last letter? How does life change when you know you're going into battle? When you know you may not come home? What kind of hope and comfort would that letter offer to those left behind.

I then started to think about last words - how they matter so much. One of my favorite books in the bible is II Timothy - Paul's last words to his disciple Timothy.

One line that Paul writes just a handful of sentences before the letter closes is

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful.

This line really struck me. Yes, Paul has fought the good fight - he has finished strong! But then he says,

I have remained faithful

. Why did Paul - the Paul who took the gospel to the places it had never been while being beaten, arrested, shipwrecked and stoned have to say he had remained faithful? I think maybe I would have said something different - like

I'm in the home stretch

or

I'm ready to go - come get me Lord

but instead Paul says

I have remained faithful

Now as I sit and think about it, remaining faithful to anything but my happiness isn't very easy. If I believe that the call to follow Christ isn't just a segment of my life but demands my entire life, then remaining faithful is about much more than having a good ministry, being involved in a local church and not doing any of the "thou shalt nots'. It's about every thought, every attitude, every moment of every day. It's about loving the Lord my God with all my heart, all my mind and all my soul. When I look at my life, often I'm not faithful. I'd rather be happy than faithful. I'd rather be entertained. I'd rather be busy so I can feel important. I'd rather get the praise that belongs only to God. Remaining faithful is hard for me and no one has ever tried to stone me!

So I wonder what I would write in my last letter? I hope like Paul I will be able to say that I remained faithful. I hope that my life teaches me what it means to be a faithful follower of Christ, not a person devoted to making my life better. I hope that someday if some one is reading my last letter it inspires them to continue on toward God!

Missing Home....

It's not often that I find myself missing home - well I guess you can still call a place home when you've been gone for almost a decade. I grew up in East Tennessee - the sticks of East Tennessee to be exact. My grandparent's lived on a farm up a in a little community in Appalachia called Stony Creek. Their address was a rural route number and I used to play around the building that had been the outhouse when my father was a child.

After I moved to Dallas, I discovered that I was a city girl. I love the outdoors - hiking, camping, spending time on the lakes and rivers; but I can only take so much and then I need the life of the city. If I never had to mow a lawn I'd be fine with that - my friend Pete says I'm destined to live in a trendy loft in New York City...we'll see about that!

October is here and it's my favorite month. Something about is has me longing for the those fall days in Tennessee. It could be the fact that it's still 87 degrees here and the leaves show no sign of any change in the near future. It could be the arrival of pumpkins at every store around me. It could be that Tennessee finally pulled out a victory against a good team and is back in the top 25 (barely, but they're there - Go Vols!). Whatever it is, there are moments that I want to go home - I want to go sit in the rocker on the porch of my grandparent's house and look out over the magnificent colors of the valley. I want to hike by the streams in the Smoky Mountains. I want to smell the crisp smell that comes with autumn and taste the fresh apples. I want to take a hayride with friends and bundle up under blankets as we sit around a bonfire. I want to be decked out all in orange and go scream in a football stadium with 107,000 fans. I want to relive a thousand memories from the years I spent there.

When I was growing up, I thought I would never leave home - or that it would always be there, but life has taken me to places that I never imagined in those years. Life has changed in ways I never thought possible. The rocking chairs are gone - the farm was sold years ago. The friends who used to ride in the hayrides or scream with me at football games have moved. Even my own parent's no longer call Tennessee their home. But even thought I sit on my coach hundreds of miles away, I know the leaves all over the valley are changing into those brilliant colors of fall....and I guess when I really miss home, the memories of that are sweet enough to take me there!

Irresistible!

Now, I'm not one of those girls who walks in the room and is just drawn to the nearest kid (ask any of my friends)....but there's something about my friend's little one that I can't resist! I walk into the room and just want to scoop him up into my arms. I mean - who could resist him?

Day of Prayer

Okay, I'll admit it....it's not very spiritual but I've always thought day of prayer was - well kind of boring - even a waste of time! I know, I know - how can a leader in a ministry say that? I know that some people deeply experience God by sitting in a room with others and crying out to God - there have even been times that I've had that deep experience of God by crying out to him in a room full of people....but I'm by nature an active person. I have a hard time focusing if I sit and try to concentrate for too long. As Christians I think we often get into a rut. We find something that works - or something that's easy and we do it over and over again and then often wonder why it's dry or even boring.

Yesterday we had a great day of prayer. Our entire team went down to the French Quarter and spent the day there. It was one of those perfect fall days - low humidity but still warm and sunny. We started off at Cafe Du Monde - having coffee and beignets - laughing and connecting as a team. In the background street musicians were playing There was a cool breeze and it carried the smell fresh beignets being served and cafe au lait being brewed. It felt so alive.

From there we spent some individual time connecting with the Lord. Just sitting behind the cafe looking over this city that God has called us to, I felt overwhelmed by His presence - by His desire for the city. Something about being in the heart of the city revealed God's heart for the city to me.

From there we spent the rest of the morning meeting in the park at Jackson Square - a combination of prayer walking and sitting on benches praying for our leaders. At one point the street musicians were playing Amazing Grace as we were praying. We then all gathered for lunch at a restaurant looking out on the St. Louis Cathedral. All the doors were opened and it was a great time of connecting and enjoying Po-boys and other New Orleans cuisine.

In the afternoon we took more walks - heard the jazz musicians practicing at Preservation Hall as we prayed for the city. We sat in a 250 year old cathedral and prayed for our partnership in Mexico City and finally walked down the river and prayed for our students.

What I loved about the day is that it was active - it was alive and engaged with the very heart of our city. It wasn't hidden in some building - but in the open....moving and celebrating the things we love about the city (food, music, history, ect). It reflected my God who is creative and active and whose heart beats for the city. It's not the only way to spend a day of prayer - it's not the only way to engage the heart of God....but it sure was the most fun day of prayer I've ever had!

Time for the Hard Work

I know I talk a lot about New Orleans on my blog. I guess that's because New Orleans is not just a place you live - if you let it, if you embrace it as a city rather than mock it or look down upon it, it becomes a part of who you are. I feel a confidence that whether I live here 2 years or 20 years, New Orleans will always be a part of who I am.

Tonight I had a great discussion with a group of friends about rebuilding the city. The easy work is mostly done in New Orleans. Anyone who has come down and gutted out a house might not say that it's easy work. I don't mean easy work in terms of physical labor but in personal cost. It's easy to come down and gut out a house. At the end of the day, you've accomplished a goal, you know that you've made something better for some one. Christians have served New Orleans well in this. They came first, they came consitantly and they continue to come. The city would not be in the place it is today without the thousands of people who have come and continue to come. I don't downplay that contribution at all.

Now the hard work comes. Now the resolve that "we will rebuild" has faded into reality. The reality that most of the time it's not safe to walk down the street at night. The reality that you may have something stolen at any time. The reality that the Saints aren't winning this year. The reality that "for sale" signs are popping up everywhere because people can't take it anymore. The reality that the students in our schools probably can't or won't make it to college - and 2/3rds of them don't care. The reality that people are broke, they are tired, they are running out of hope.

So, how does a group of people who are followers of Christ be salt and light in this New Orleans? How do we stand against racism? How do we care about schools for those who don't care? How do we celebrate the good in life? How do we come alongside people who are ready to pack up and leave because they just can't take it anymore?

I don't know the answer to that question - all I know is that we can't be content to play "church" or to have a faith that's personal but doesn't reach out. When I read the story of the early church in Acts I see an amazing community. They celebrated, they gave generously - they risked everything to show Christ to the world. We can't be safe Christians in New Orleans (Christians who focus on our church or organization while naivly saying God will make everything better). The call for those who claim to be fully-devoted followers of Christ in this city is to live out that faith - by loving the city, by being part of the solution, by offering hope, by standing against racism...violence....injustice, by celebrating and inviting others into our celebrations.

Honestly, this kind of Christianity is much harder to live. It's messier. It means that we may work really hard, give lots of time, money and energy while nothing changes. However the alternative is to stay within a Christian bubble - to just be content with the groups we've brought in to rebuild homes. To pat ourselves on the back and say we've "done good" - while a dying world sits at our doorstep. That doesn't sound much like the God we claim to follow....the one who loved us so much that he GAVE his son to bring us life. It's not the Christian that I want to be in this post-Katrina New Orleans.

So my prayer for the Christians of this city is that we would have the courage....not just to stay but to give like never before.....to show a city what it looks like when we are the hands and feet of Christ.

Mystery Smell

There's a mysterious smell invading my house. I have searched and searched to no avail. I scrubbed and bleached my trash can....but the smell came back. I cleaned out my refrigerator - checking every suspicious item within - still nothing. My current theory is that my evil nemosis the giant roaches have decided to take revenge on me for slaughtering their friends by dragging pieces of trash into my house and hiding it from me. It could happen - right?