The last few weeks have left me feeling really 'blah'. I don't know if it's been the post conference funk, weariness from a long season of ministry, or just one of those times in life when you just feel down. Whatever it is, I've not been able to snap out of it. On top of it, as I've tried to spend time with the Lord, I've felt very disconnected.
Today I decided to take a morning with the Lord. To be honest, I just didn't want to get up and face another day of emails, phone calls, setting up appointments and other administrative tasks. A 'morning with the Lord' sounded like a good thing to do to avoid all of that. As I was drinking my coffee and telling the Lord how disconnected and disappointed I've been feeling, I sensed him telling me to pull out this bible study that I started in the fall on 2 Corinthians. I started this study when our community group at church started going through the book, but I never finished the last three chapters. In community group we've been discussing those chapters in the last few weeks. They haven't really been that significant to me, so I wasn't sure where this was going. Most of it is Paul talking about the authority for his apostleship. By the end I just want to say, "okay I get it, you went through some terrible stuff!" Today as I was reading through chapter 12, something really struck me.
Basically, Paul has been given this thorn in his flesh...he asks the Lord to take it away and the answer is "no" - more to the point he is told, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness'. Something about that struck me today. I walk around trying to cover up and hide my weakness - I like to look like I have it all together. I fear failing, I fear that I will be a disappointment to the people I love and to God. There are things in my life that I constantly struggle with and pray that God would deliver me from. I don't think I 'm the only one. It seems like in the Christian community weakness is bad. We always talk about our strengths and our "areas to grow in" like saying the word weakness would indicate that we have some sort of fatal flaw. We show the world the good life that Christ offers while we quietly struggle in the privacy of our own lives. I think I often try to sell others a Christianity that I cannot live myself and that isn't real. Sometimes there is amazing victory over my weaknesses, but often I still struggle with the same things day after day. I find myself wondering - "does Christ really make a difference. That's why today when I read these words - "My GRACE if sufficient for you", I had to pause. I had to ask, what does this mean?
I can define grace - I learned the definition long ago when I learned to share the gospel booklet - an undeserved gift, or "God's Riches At Christ's Expense" (since we really do like acronyms so much in the christian world). I've always associated it with the gift of salvation - we get a gift we don't deserve. But now I find myself wondering - what does that mean for me today, in my weakness, in the funk and in the grossness of life and sin, what does it mean that God's grace is sufficient? Does it mean that my life isn't about being perfect and fixing my weaknesses but it's about the power of God being demonstrated through them? Does it mean that grace isn't a one-time gift but a gift I receive every moment of every day? Does it mean that I put a lot of pressure on myself to be some one for others rather then allowing God to be who he is through me? I feel like if I understood this, it would be a breakthrough for my life and ministry. I'd love to invite others to give me any thoughts and feedback on this....
Monday, April 9, 2007
Saturday, April 7, 2007
Redeeming a City
Today I participated in the Crescent City Classic - the most attended and most known race in New Orleans. I say participated because even though I had good intentions of running the race, after a month of visitors, spring break, regional visits and planning, I was wiped out. It was all I could do to walk the 6 miles.
Lately I've been feeling the New Orleans "funk". It's this feeling you get when you've not had a break from the city for weeks on end. No matter how much you love this city, it's still a hurricane devastated old city and you need a break every once in a while. My last exodus from the city was in February. March was a full month and an exciting month but at the end of it I felt worn out and very down. It was funny how participating in a race reminded me of how much I have grown to love this city.
The race started down in the French Quarter. Twenty thousand people lined up to run and walk. Many people were in costume (of course they were, it's New Orleans). I ended up doing the race with my friend Melanie. It was fun to walk through some of the beautiful neighborhoods of New Orleans and talk about life and the gospel.
I've watched this crazy phenomenon in New Orleans. American Christianity was divided right after the storm - some believed that God was judging the city and some believed that God was going to open the door to missionaries who would "save" the city. I was in the second camp, but now I even realize how self-righteous and self-focused that attitude was. By God's grace, I've fallen in the love with this city. I no longer want to "save" it, I want to be a part of the redemptive thread that God is weaving in the city of New Orleans. All around me there is pain and suffering. I am no longer an outsider to that. I am sad when I see the pain of my neighbors (not the neighbors who necessarily live on my block, but the neighbors as Jesus described them). I am convicted at my lack of action, my commitment to my own comfort rather than to serving those around me. I am in love with the city - I walk down the street and I am thankful I live here. I love the history, I love the culture of celebration, I love the people and the food (well, not the crawfish). I love that I see the good in this city along with the bad. It's interesting to see what God is doing in this city - it seems that he's bringing a new kind of missionary to the city....not some one who is here to change the culture, but to embrace all that Christ would embrace in the culture and be a light to the city through loving the city.
I don't know what I used to think about New Orleans.....probably that it was a hopeless city, a place that God didn't really care much about. I must say, living in New Orleans has given me a greater picture of the celebration that awaits us in heaven. I cannot help but believe that God is crazy about this city - that he desires to redeem it! I really believe that God is using the devastation of Katrina in a way that most of Christianity never dreamed would be possible. All around me, I meet Christians who have moved to New Orleans and have fallen in love with this city - they love the being part of the culture, the life and the pain of the city. It seems that God has put his heart in their hearts! We're not here to "save" a city, we're here to live the gospel.
It seems like in Christianity we sometimes focus so much on 'getting saved' and living for heaven that we miss the in between. I am thankful to be brought to a place where I daily see the tension of reality and hope. I believe that living in New Orleans has taught me more about the heart of God than any place I've ever lived. New Orleans is changing and shaping me more than I am changing and shaping it.
Lately I've been feeling the New Orleans "funk". It's this feeling you get when you've not had a break from the city for weeks on end. No matter how much you love this city, it's still a hurricane devastated old city and you need a break every once in a while. My last exodus from the city was in February. March was a full month and an exciting month but at the end of it I felt worn out and very down. It was funny how participating in a race reminded me of how much I have grown to love this city.
The race started down in the French Quarter. Twenty thousand people lined up to run and walk. Many people were in costume (of course they were, it's New Orleans). I ended up doing the race with my friend Melanie. It was fun to walk through some of the beautiful neighborhoods of New Orleans and talk about life and the gospel.
I've watched this crazy phenomenon in New Orleans. American Christianity was divided right after the storm - some believed that God was judging the city and some believed that God was going to open the door to missionaries who would "save" the city. I was in the second camp, but now I even realize how self-righteous and self-focused that attitude was. By God's grace, I've fallen in the love with this city. I no longer want to "save" it, I want to be a part of the redemptive thread that God is weaving in the city of New Orleans. All around me there is pain and suffering. I am no longer an outsider to that. I am sad when I see the pain of my neighbors (not the neighbors who necessarily live on my block, but the neighbors as Jesus described them). I am convicted at my lack of action, my commitment to my own comfort rather than to serving those around me. I am in love with the city - I walk down the street and I am thankful I live here. I love the history, I love the culture of celebration, I love the people and the food (well, not the crawfish). I love that I see the good in this city along with the bad. It's interesting to see what God is doing in this city - it seems that he's bringing a new kind of missionary to the city....not some one who is here to change the culture, but to embrace all that Christ would embrace in the culture and be a light to the city through loving the city.
I don't know what I used to think about New Orleans.....probably that it was a hopeless city, a place that God didn't really care much about. I must say, living in New Orleans has given me a greater picture of the celebration that awaits us in heaven. I cannot help but believe that God is crazy about this city - that he desires to redeem it! I really believe that God is using the devastation of Katrina in a way that most of Christianity never dreamed would be possible. All around me, I meet Christians who have moved to New Orleans and have fallen in love with this city - they love the being part of the culture, the life and the pain of the city. It seems that God has put his heart in their hearts! We're not here to "save" a city, we're here to live the gospel.
It seems like in Christianity we sometimes focus so much on 'getting saved' and living for heaven that we miss the in between. I am thankful to be brought to a place where I daily see the tension of reality and hope. I believe that living in New Orleans has taught me more about the heart of God than any place I've ever lived. New Orleans is changing and shaping me more than I am changing and shaping it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
