Missing Home....

It's not often that I find myself missing home - well I guess you can still call a place home when you've been gone for almost a decade. I grew up in East Tennessee - the sticks of East Tennessee to be exact. My grandparent's lived on a farm up a in a little community in Appalachia called Stony Creek. Their address was a rural route number and I used to play around the building that had been the outhouse when my father was a child.

After I moved to Dallas, I discovered that I was a city girl. I love the outdoors - hiking, camping, spending time on the lakes and rivers; but I can only take so much and then I need the life of the city. If I never had to mow a lawn I'd be fine with that - my friend Pete says I'm destined to live in a trendy loft in New York City...we'll see about that!

October is here and it's my favorite month. Something about is has me longing for the those fall days in Tennessee. It could be the fact that it's still 87 degrees here and the leaves show no sign of any change in the near future. It could be the arrival of pumpkins at every store around me. It could be that Tennessee finally pulled out a victory against a good team and is back in the top 25 (barely, but they're there - Go Vols!). Whatever it is, there are moments that I want to go home - I want to go sit in the rocker on the porch of my grandparent's house and look out over the magnificent colors of the valley. I want to hike by the streams in the Smoky Mountains. I want to smell the crisp smell that comes with autumn and taste the fresh apples. I want to take a hayride with friends and bundle up under blankets as we sit around a bonfire. I want to be decked out all in orange and go scream in a football stadium with 107,000 fans. I want to relive a thousand memories from the years I spent there.

When I was growing up, I thought I would never leave home - or that it would always be there, but life has taken me to places that I never imagined in those years. Life has changed in ways I never thought possible. The rocking chairs are gone - the farm was sold years ago. The friends who used to ride in the hayrides or scream with me at football games have moved. Even my own parent's no longer call Tennessee their home. But even thought I sit on my coach hundreds of miles away, I know the leaves all over the valley are changing into those brilliant colors of fall....and I guess when I really miss home, the memories of that are sweet enough to take me there!

Irresistible!

Now, I'm not one of those girls who walks in the room and is just drawn to the nearest kid (ask any of my friends)....but there's something about my friend's little one that I can't resist! I walk into the room and just want to scoop him up into my arms. I mean - who could resist him?

Day of Prayer

Okay, I'll admit it....it's not very spiritual but I've always thought day of prayer was - well kind of boring - even a waste of time! I know, I know - how can a leader in a ministry say that? I know that some people deeply experience God by sitting in a room with others and crying out to God - there have even been times that I've had that deep experience of God by crying out to him in a room full of people....but I'm by nature an active person. I have a hard time focusing if I sit and try to concentrate for too long. As Christians I think we often get into a rut. We find something that works - or something that's easy and we do it over and over again and then often wonder why it's dry or even boring.

Yesterday we had a great day of prayer. Our entire team went down to the French Quarter and spent the day there. It was one of those perfect fall days - low humidity but still warm and sunny. We started off at Cafe Du Monde - having coffee and beignets - laughing and connecting as a team. In the background street musicians were playing There was a cool breeze and it carried the smell fresh beignets being served and cafe au lait being brewed. It felt so alive.

From there we spent some individual time connecting with the Lord. Just sitting behind the cafe looking over this city that God has called us to, I felt overwhelmed by His presence - by His desire for the city. Something about being in the heart of the city revealed God's heart for the city to me.

From there we spent the rest of the morning meeting in the park at Jackson Square - a combination of prayer walking and sitting on benches praying for our leaders. At one point the street musicians were playing Amazing Grace as we were praying. We then all gathered for lunch at a restaurant looking out on the St. Louis Cathedral. All the doors were opened and it was a great time of connecting and enjoying Po-boys and other New Orleans cuisine.

In the afternoon we took more walks - heard the jazz musicians practicing at Preservation Hall as we prayed for the city. We sat in a 250 year old cathedral and prayed for our partnership in Mexico City and finally walked down the river and prayed for our students.

What I loved about the day is that it was active - it was alive and engaged with the very heart of our city. It wasn't hidden in some building - but in the open....moving and celebrating the things we love about the city (food, music, history, ect). It reflected my God who is creative and active and whose heart beats for the city. It's not the only way to spend a day of prayer - it's not the only way to engage the heart of God....but it sure was the most fun day of prayer I've ever had!

Time for the Hard Work

I know I talk a lot about New Orleans on my blog. I guess that's because New Orleans is not just a place you live - if you let it, if you embrace it as a city rather than mock it or look down upon it, it becomes a part of who you are. I feel a confidence that whether I live here 2 years or 20 years, New Orleans will always be a part of who I am.

Tonight I had a great discussion with a group of friends about rebuilding the city. The easy work is mostly done in New Orleans. Anyone who has come down and gutted out a house might not say that it's easy work. I don't mean easy work in terms of physical labor but in personal cost. It's easy to come down and gut out a house. At the end of the day, you've accomplished a goal, you know that you've made something better for some one. Christians have served New Orleans well in this. They came first, they came consitantly and they continue to come. The city would not be in the place it is today without the thousands of people who have come and continue to come. I don't downplay that contribution at all.

Now the hard work comes. Now the resolve that "we will rebuild" has faded into reality. The reality that most of the time it's not safe to walk down the street at night. The reality that you may have something stolen at any time. The reality that the Saints aren't winning this year. The reality that "for sale" signs are popping up everywhere because people can't take it anymore. The reality that the students in our schools probably can't or won't make it to college - and 2/3rds of them don't care. The reality that people are broke, they are tired, they are running out of hope.

So, how does a group of people who are followers of Christ be salt and light in this New Orleans? How do we stand against racism? How do we care about schools for those who don't care? How do we celebrate the good in life? How do we come alongside people who are ready to pack up and leave because they just can't take it anymore?

I don't know the answer to that question - all I know is that we can't be content to play "church" or to have a faith that's personal but doesn't reach out. When I read the story of the early church in Acts I see an amazing community. They celebrated, they gave generously - they risked everything to show Christ to the world. We can't be safe Christians in New Orleans (Christians who focus on our church or organization while naivly saying God will make everything better). The call for those who claim to be fully-devoted followers of Christ in this city is to live out that faith - by loving the city, by being part of the solution, by offering hope, by standing against racism...violence....injustice, by celebrating and inviting others into our celebrations.

Honestly, this kind of Christianity is much harder to live. It's messier. It means that we may work really hard, give lots of time, money and energy while nothing changes. However the alternative is to stay within a Christian bubble - to just be content with the groups we've brought in to rebuild homes. To pat ourselves on the back and say we've "done good" - while a dying world sits at our doorstep. That doesn't sound much like the God we claim to follow....the one who loved us so much that he GAVE his son to bring us life. It's not the Christian that I want to be in this post-Katrina New Orleans.

So my prayer for the Christians of this city is that we would have the courage....not just to stay but to give like never before.....to show a city what it looks like when we are the hands and feet of Christ.

Mystery Smell

There's a mysterious smell invading my house. I have searched and searched to no avail. I scrubbed and bleached my trash can....but the smell came back. I cleaned out my refrigerator - checking every suspicious item within - still nothing. My current theory is that my evil nemosis the giant roaches have decided to take revenge on me for slaughtering their friends by dragging pieces of trash into my house and hiding it from me. It could happen - right?

Rest

I've worked in Christian ministry for almost 9 years now. In our organization, we are allowed to set aside one day a month for a "day with the Lord". I've never really understood the point of a "day with the Lord"....it has always just seemed like a waste of a day to be honest. I either feel this incredible pressure to accomplish something super-spiritual that day or I'm incredibly distracted by all of the things that I am not doing because I'm taking a "day with the Lord". My whole perspective changed on Thursday.

Okay, I'll be honest, it started because I joined a gym and I had an appointment with a trainer scheduled for Thursday morning so I thought - "why not take the day off"? Then even better - "take a day with the Lord". Ironically the appointment with the trainer got rescheduled and I proceeded with my day with the Lord.

I feel like for the last 5 weeks I've been one of those little rats on a treadmill....I'm running as hard as I can, doing as much as I can but I have no idea where I'm going or how to get off. On Monday I had a major meltdown over some lost keys. Tuesday was a great trip to Lafayette, LA but at the end of the day I wasn't sure I would make it to Thursday. On Wednesday I made a commitment to my team that I was going to "unplug" for the day - turn off my cell phone and my computer! So Wednesday night, I took off my watch, shut down the computer and put away the cell phone. The next day I slept until 11:00 - I couldn't believe it! I haven't slept until 11:00 on a Thursday.....well - ever. I barely sleep until 8:00 on a Saturday.

So at 11:00 I rolled out of bed, made my coffee and plopped down on my couch. The only desire I had for the day was to meet with the Lord. The next four hours flew by - I couldn't believe it. I started to again experience the Lord's pleasure in me - not in my activity but in me as a beloved daughter. The Bible came alive - prayer was easy....it naturally and passionately flowed. At the end of the day I felt refreshed and focused - ready to live mission, not do ministry!

Even now, two days later I feel so much more centered on God. I think this is what Jesus means when he says, "Come to me all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest for your souls.".

This is my official admonition to everyone who claims to be a follower of Christ - who wants their life to be an influence - take a day.....take a week if you need it! (Just don't tell HR that I've been skipping my days with the Lord).

Blessed are the Poor in Spirit

At my church we are doing a three week sermon series on the poor in spirit from Matthew 5. I've always read the beatitudes and thought - "I don't really get this". I'm a 'how to' kind of gal - I want you to tell me how to do something and I never understood how to be "poor in spirit". This spring I started studying Matthew and discovered that Jesus was really turning life upside down when he said these words. He was speaking to an audience that would have been very proud of their religious traditions - who lived in relative comfort and security. They were tempted to think their efforts made them great. Jesus turned that on it's head when he said that it's not those who are powerful but who are poor in spirit who are blessed (which is a happiness that comes from God's favor, not circumstances).

So my pastor mentioned that we are a poor in spirit church - we're weak, we're small. In all of our denomination we're not thought of as great - after years and years we are still a mission church rather than a self-supporting church.....yet this poor and weak church understands one thing - we understand how much we need God. We recognize that it's not our programs, our presentations or our talents that are creating life change - but a rag-tag band of followers living out of great need.

I've found more community and life here than in any church in which I've taken part over the years. As I thought about what Ray had to say about our church, I had to agree. I invite people into our community because we are real people, with real struggles who really need God. I want others to experience that life...the life that comes by entering one another's pain and struggles not to fix them, but to walk through them together.

This led me to my bike ride home from campus today. Whenever I go to Tulane, I find myself not wanting to be poor in spirit but wanting to be powerful and impressive. I want our ministry to grow and to thrive there. I want us to be more organized - to have it more together. I was riding home and thinking why I want that - really it's to build me up....to validate what I do - to grow my own reputation.....to build my own kingdom. I was thinking how delighted God would be to take this little band of followers at Tulane and use them to build his kingdom. It may not be with slick programs or with well-planned gatherings. It may be by bringing together real people with real struggles who understand how desperate they are for God to show up - how poor in spirit they really are. That actually sounds like a movement that I (the real me, the me that knows how helpless and broken I am) would want to be a part of - a place that I could find life.

So my new prayer for our students is not that they would have it all together or be able to do great things but that they would understand how desperatly they need the Lord. That they would live as the poor in spirit.