Living in the in-between

For most of the world, life doesn't revolve around semesters, conferences and summer assigments. Most of my friends get up and go to work every day this week just like they did every day last week. Not so for those of us who work in the world of college ministry. This is my 8th year working in this world. The "in-between" time is always the most difficult time of the year for me. I'd rather come home after working long hours each day to a long list of emails to return and things to check off my list than stumble through this in-between world.

Today as I was debating whether to continue to finish up a few things for my summer project or go complete some other mindless task, my friend and coworker Antonio came by to pick something up. As I opened the door he started laughing at me, "You look like me the last few days", he said, "wearing your pajamas all day and just sitting in front of the computer". It was then that I realized I must look bad because I did not actually have on my pajamas but I pretty much looked like I had just rolled out of bed. After he left, I remembered that I had some laundry to fold, so I headed back to my bedroom to discover it sitting on my unmade bed. The unmade bed reminded me that I have not taken a shower today because I always make the bed while I'm waiting for the water to warm up (it's a New Orleans old house thing). It was 1:30 in the afternoon. I gave up on being productive, shoved the cloths off the bed and settled in for a nap!

Why is it so hard to live in the in-between? I long for these times...times to have linger conversations with friends (who are all unfortunatly very busy right now). Times to sit and ponder the Word, times to spend in unhurried prayer, but when they actually come I find myself feeling useless and sleepy. I think I pack my life so full all year long so I don't have to ask the deeper questions. I don't have to wrestle with my faith, I don't have to live in the silence. Now, while everyone else is cramming for finals or hard at work at their "real world job", the silence has descended upon me. I have two choices - to find things to fill my days so I can again avoid it or seek the One longs to meet me in the in-between. To be honest, I'd much rather fill my day. Life has thrown a lot of questions at my heart lately....What are my passions? What does it mean to really experience God....to really hear His voice rather than just tell Him what He should do for me? What do the implications do the questions in my heart have on my future - what I do and how I do it? I'd so much rather run frantically from task to task than really sit and face these questions.

The in-between will not last for much longer - soon I'll be in California, my life will be full of people, full of ministry, friends and laughter. I'll talk about God a lot but I want to know that I've met God in the ways that scare me, I've met God in the in-between.